How to Trust Your Intuition & Reconnect with Yourself in Midlife with Sunayana | Hot Flushes & Higher Self

Welcome & Sunayana's Journey into Healing

0:04 Soraya: So hi Sunyana, welcome to Hot flushes and higher Self. Before we start, just share a little bit about your journey personally and professionally and what led you into this type of work that you are doing now.

0:17 Sunayana: So I first trained as a reflexologist in the mid-90s. I was actually in finance at the time, and my boss, then boss, was studying reflexology. And I just remember thinking, oh, if I don't do this, this will be really bad for me. Like I felt like I'd implode from the inside out. And um so I learned reflexology, and then while I was on my certification course, my diploma course for reflexology, one of my friends said, Have you heard of Reiki? I was like, No, I haven't, but I haven't got time for it.

0:52 Sunayana: I've got I'm too busy. But I went and had some Reiki. I'd had um I'd basically had quite a major bereavement around this time. And my grandmother was also very unwell, and it was coming out physically in my body, and nothing the GP was doing was working. And sort of in desperation, I decided I'm just going to go and try some from one of my reflexology friends. And after in the first session, my head went really quiet, and I have a very busy head. The second session, the problem disappeared and didn't come back.

1:29 Sunayana: And by the third session, I was just sold. And around the same time, I also saw an article in the Sunday Times about Reiki. And we're talking about 1995 when these things were considered still quite out there and weird. So those were sort of my journey. And you know, I'd never thought this would be a full-time career. I was always like, this would be great if I ever had kids, this would be a nice part-time income. I didn't know I was going to have quite a big infertility journey, and so that was really long.

2:17 Sunayana: And um I got made redundant and thought, well, if I'm gonna go for it, now's the time to go for it. And so that's how it basically ended up being a full-time therapist. And it's been a really interesting journey because it had not gone, you know, in your head, you have an image of how your business might be or how your journey will be. And it's really not been the work I've done. I've done a lot of work with charities, I've done a lot of work with specific groups at OAPs, a group I've worked with a lot, cancer patients, infertility, people with infertility issues.

2:54 Sunayana: Um, but also through their through that work, I've worked with people with PTSD, I've worked with people with generational trauma, cultural trauma. Um, so yeah, it's been fascinating sort of uh sort of people I've met and the conditions they've come with, and how I've been able to help them. And as I've gone through, I I mean, I was never a fluffy therapist. I always liked solving problems and I liked challenging cases. So that's been really key to my work. But the other thing that's been really key to my work is almost every single one of those patients have taught me about my own journey and helped my own healing where I needed to let go of maybe limiting beliefs, or sometimes I'd say something to them and I think that's really good advice.

3:49 Sunayana: You need to be taking yourself, like literally out of my own mouth. And it's so it's been a really fascinating 30 years of working with people, but then reflecting and applying that to my own journey and helping myself.

4:06 Soraya: Was that traditional therapy, Sunana? You were doing, you said, or was it Reiki?

4:11 Sunayana: So it was uh a combination of normally reflexology, Reiki. Uh, sometimes I do Boeing technique for physical ailments, and then towards before the pandemic, I was doing combining hypnotherapy with Reiki or hypnotherapy with reflexology just to get better results. I was working with a lot of people who had trauma-based anxiety, and so the combination of those two therapies, plus some coaching, was really helping to get to the root of the problem and change. And often it's about perspective change, giving people a new point of view to consider, um, and asking them to consider whether the beliefs they've been holding on to so tightly, whether they're actually true or not, whether they're still relevant, whether they're still true.

5:04 Soraya: So yeah, okay. Thanks for sharing. Um, and was there a particular moment or life phase where your intuition or inner knowing became louder?

When Intuition Became Impossible to Ignore

5:17 Sunayana: Uh so when I was my when I've been working with clients, it's always been very strong. So I would just I'm what's known as clear cognizant, so I know stuff, right? And so I would work with people and they would tell me stuff, and I would just know what the heart of the problem was. So during my professional life, it's always been very strong. Personally, there are some standout moments. One was the night my dad died. Um, I was lying in bed going, I don't understand what's happened. My dad had gone on holiday with my mum, uh, and five days later he died from altitude sickness on a trip he was on.

6:01 Sunayana: And um I remember lying in bed going, I I just don't understand what's happening. And I clearly heard you agreed to this, which then led to a very angry conversation with the voice in my head going, No, I did not, with a lot of swearing, you know. But it was just essentially it was a very calm and insistent voice saying, You did this, was part of what you agreed to as your soul growth. Um, and then you know, sort of that sort of that was almost 15 years ago that my dad died, but it it was the start of a new cycle of really big growth for me, and it led to the the conscious connection with my higher self, ethia, and it's really informed my daily life now, you know.

6:51 Sunayana: So if I have a list of jobs to do, I look at my list and I go intuitively, which one shall I do first? How can I be the most productive I can be today? And that's how I tend to work these days.

7:03 Soraya: Okay. Um, and how did your own experience shape the way you now support women and the work that you do?

7:11 Sunayana: So I had quite a disrupted childhood. Um, and it, you know, I had some beliefs around not being worthy, not being wanted, feeling abandoned, feeling not good enough as well. And it has really helped me understand when women come to me, and they've come to me. Like if I take someone who comes with infertility, for example, you wouldn't think that I'm not good enough as a fear or a belief that's lurking there. Yeah, but it's really helped me show them how their identity is not just tied up in their ability to produce children, right?

8:00 Sunayana: They are so much more than that. And I think the thing that's really helped is that I in my sessions with clients, I'm really honest about my own journey, where it's relevant, I don't overshare, but where it's relevant, I do share it with them. And they I've often heard, oh, you really understand what I'm going through. And I'm like, Yeah, I I really understand. I don't understand your specific situation, but I understand the trauma, I understand the effects of it, I understand the beliefs that have formed from it, I understand that feeling of frustration or sadness or bereavement or despair that you're experiencing.

8:39 Sunayana: I know all of those feelings. I'm familiar with that. That really has helped clients because I think, particularly for the women, they felt less alone and they felt like someone is really seeing them. So that has been a really big part of it.

9:00 Soraya: Yeah. And so many women in midlife describe feeling disconnected from themselves. Why do you think that happens, Sunana?

Why Women Feel Disconnected in Midlife

9:11 Sunayana: So I think it's a number of things. I think so, on a surface level, I think it's we get tied up in the roles that we have within our lives. So daughter, sister, wife, mother, aunt, etc. And they take up our mental and emotional capacity. That's at a surface level. Underneath that, there is also we're taught as women that our primary role, if you like, is to serve in some shape or another. Even in the workplace, serving. Um the problem with that is that it leaves very little room for our own personal identity, and it also leaves very little room for personal expression.

10:01 Sunayana: We often placate or silence ourselves to please others, to help others feel good, or not feel bad even. And so that can be a real problem when it comes to remembering who we are, remembering that we're more than here, we're not here just to serve, we're more than that. We're here to live, but we live vicariously through others. That disconnection grows over time. And then in midlife, when you are going through some major hormonal shifts as well, that's when you're called to almost review your life and go, is this how I want to live the rest of my life?

10:49 Sunayana: Which is why I think a lot of midlife women suddenly are yearning for freedom and suddenly their families go, she's gone a bit mad. No, she hasn't gone mad, she's just exploring her identity and remembering who she is and remembering what she deserves, which is to be more than someone who serves other people, right? Yeah, she's remembering her own connection to herself and putting that before everything else.

11:17 Soraya: Yeah, and I think that's a not very comfortable thing for those around her. They're so used to her being a certain way, yeah. That when things change and she speaks up, no nobody really likes that.

11:30 Sunayana: Yeah, and I think, but it I mean, I think there are ways of doing it. I don't think it, I mean, it depends on your personality as well, obviously. And every woman's journey is her own. I'm not here to prescribe a journey, but I think quite often we think we have to do this journey on our own, and we can't take our families with us. But actually, I think we can. We we don't have to share every single bit of it or every thought process, but we can share the important things and the relevant things to them.

12:10 Sunayana: So they understand we still love them, we still care for them, but they're now grown adults, they're whatever self-sufficient depending on their age, and that they don't need us in that way. And we will still be there in an emergency, we will still be there on an everyday level, but there'll be times when we need to go and do things for ourselves that satisfy us, beat us. But I think what's also really important in sharing that journey, we're modeling to our family members that it's safe for them to do that.

12:46 Sunayana: And I think that's super important, right? I think that is in a way the best gift you can give, especially your children if you've got daughters as well, especially them.

13:01 Soraya: Yeah, I think that's very important because, in effect, you are the role model, and your children see what's safe and what's okay for them to do in their order. But I'm talking more, you know, children is one thing, but partners, I feel, you know, a lot of relationships at this stage, they do break up, you know, even though you've been together for decades, it's because I feel you know, if you are evolving and you know, feel you have a different pathway and your partner doesn't change, then I feel that's probably where that divorce rates go.

Relationships, Growth & Midlife Awakening

13:36 Sunayana: Yeah, I mean, I I liken it to like an elastic band between a couple, right? And so you're all you're both going to change at different times. So in my relationship, I've been married a long time, and in my relationship, that elastic band has really been stretched to its limits a couple of times. And each time I've sort of had to say to my husband, you need to catch up. And he just looks at me and he's like, and I'm like, I don't really care how you catch up. I'm not asking you to do it my way, I don't need you to go to sound baths or learn Reiki or any of those things.

14:17 Sunayana: I need you to catch up because if you don't, the band snaps. Everyone, it from my perspective is responsible for their own growth, yeah. Right. But sometimes we do need to say to our partners and our husbands, come on, catch up, like stop dawdling. And I and it's whether they're willing to meet you there, right? Luckily, my husband is so far, so it's okay, but not everyone's is, and so then you are presented with that choice of is what I have enough to let me want to stay. Is it you know, in the other areas of our life, are we still meshing well?

14:59 Sunayana: And okay, spiritually, I'm in a different place. That doesn't mean he won't catch up at some point, but there has to be a balance in everything. If he, he or she, depending on your partner's gender, they might decide now is not the time they're going to catch up, but they're really great at other things like sharing the burden of parenting, sharing the burden of managing a household. Is that enough for you? Is the question you have to ask yourself. If it's not, then you get to, well, what's the thing I want?

15:34 Sunayana: Do I want to separate, divorce? Do I want to, or do I want to investigate even a different way of being married? You know, or in a relationship with this person.

15:50 Soraya: Yeah, I think like you said, ultimately, you know, you are both two different separate um beings, and you are both responsible for your own journeys. However, I feel like from my conversations with other women who go through the separations, it's they get to a point when their partner wants them to stay the same as they were, and they're uncomfortable with the changes. I I feel that's probably you know what why there are so many things going on.

16:17 Sunayana: Yeah, I I think the so the question I think I would ask, and I I say this, bearing in mind that when you're in that situation, it is really hard to think like this. I get that, right? Um, we're just having a conversation, it's a little bit hypothetical, but I think it's so I maybe I should base this on my own conversation with my husband. Um, quite recently I kind of said to him something along the lines of, Are we in trouble? And he went, Well, you clearly think we are. And I was like, Well, and I then kind of gave him some points where I just said, Um, you know, it just feels like we're not connecting very well together, we don't really seem to be talking much, we don't have as much fun or laugh together as much.

17:10 Sunayana: And since then he's made a proper effort, right? So this is where the responsibility of both parties come in because you can't carry it on your own. This is a mutual thing, but I think also if he had reacted badly to that question and got defensive, I think I would have said, Why do you think it's okay for you not to change? I can be, and I'll say this, I know I can be really challenging, right? And that's a challenging question to ask. And some husbands would take it very defensively and would get it.

17:54 Sunayana: But that's the question I would leave them with is like, why do you not want to change? Because if you changed, we would be better, we could possibly be happier. It might be that our time is done, but if you are not prepared to change, and I don't mean surface change, I mean meaningful change, where you show up differently, you behave differently, you interact differently, you go and do the work, like if you need counselling. But we recently had to have our cat put to sleep, and my husband kept saying this one phrase over and over, and I just went to him.

18:33 Sunayana: I think you need to go and see someone about this. This is not normal to keep saying this specific phrase over and over. You need to get to the root of it. Now, I've said it, it's up to him if he wants to go and do it. But if he came back and that behaviour hadn't changed, I'm gonna be a lot less sympathetic because I'm like, we've talked about this, go and get this sorted out. You know what I mean? Does that make sense to you? No, it does completely, yeah. No, I yeah. I think I think that's I think the other reason a lot of women choose to walk away is that they're tired of being responsible for that relationship.

19:14 Sunayana: And you know, and I think this is all tied up in our identity as someone who serves and cares for and is the compassionate one and the kind one, and we can be all of those things, but that does not abdicate our husband or partner's job of how they show up in that relationship and who they are within that relationship as well. And I think too many young men, young boys are not taught that they need to show up in that way, and so it's quite um it's a generational thing, isn't it? And it's a cultural thing as well that needs to be addressed individually within families, such a big question.

19:54 Soraya: Yeah, I know, and I think that's probably what gets lost, you know, like over time at the beginning, it might be great, but once you know you have children and like the responsibilities of day-to-day, the emotional intelligence and the relationship kind of goes out the window, and you know, we do change, women evolve. I mean, sometimes men also, I'm not saying they don't, but yeah, but yeah, okay.

20:16 Sunayana: I think you know, I think so. If we take culture, for example, like there is a huge movement currently about, you know, the would you if you faced a bear or a man, most women would choose the bear. And I think it's really interesting. Like I had this conversation with my husband, and he got quite defensive in it. And I was like, listen, this isn't about you specifically, this is about a gender problem. It's about how we as women we perceive men showing up, right? If you look at the ideal feminine-masculine dynamic, we will have men who are authentic, um, truthful, and help women help lift women so that women can lead from the same place of authenticity, feminine authority.

21:11 Sunayana: And in turn, that feeds the masculine authority, right? That's the ideal. So this is actually about it's a mixture of things. It's about how do we as women educate our sons to show up as the sort of men we would like them to be for their future wives? But equally, how do we show up for our daughters? Right. And how do men show up for their daughters? How do men show up for their sons as well? How do we all show up to each other's role models? Yeah. Do you see what I mean? And I think that's a really, you know, if we're going to change culture around gender violence, if we're going to change the conversation, these are some of the questions we need to start answering at a family level, not even just societally, but at a family level, what you want to Yeah.

22:32 Soraya: And it's, I think it's about breaking patterns as well, isn't it? Um, Sunnyana, in a lot of these cases, because we're just repeating the same things we saw growing up. So you want to change that at the family level, yeah.

22:43 Sunayana: Yeah.

22:44 Soraya: Okay. Um, and what does higher self or inner guidance mean to you in a grounded everyday way?

22:50 Sunayana: So your higher self to me is the non-physical aspect of you, right? So, in a in an everyday version, it's it's about sort of saying, Okay, how can I show up as my best self? And how can I move forward with my goals in a really aligned way? Yeah, and how can I show up in an authentic energy for those around me? I truly believe that we all influence each other. And when someone steps up into their authentic nature and are true, being true to who they are, what it does is it sets out sends out a call to the people around them to do the same thing.

23:35 Sunayana: And so if I'm showing up and being authentic and being aligned, and then that's going to ripple out to my immediate family, people I live with, and then it will ripple out a bit further, and then it will ripple out a bit further, still, anyone I meet. So for me, it's about trying to emulate the best version of myself in a daily way. Do I succeed all the time? No, I do not because I'm human, but a lot of the time I think I get there. Yeah.

24:15 Soraya: And how can women begin reconnecting with their intuition when they've been spent years overthinking or putting themselves last?

How to Reconnect with Your Intuition

24:23 Sunayana: That's such a good question. It's a really good question. So I think there's a couple of things. One is um when you want to start trusting your intuition, you need to start by being kind to yourself. It is very easy for all of us to be really critical of each other, but in like in our heads to ourselves. Right. So the first thing you need to do is decide that you're going to bring kindness and compassion to yourself, and you're going to also, if you're thinking about doing something, and your gut says do it, for example, because that's how a lot of people perceive intuition as a gut instinct.

25:13 Sunayana: It's about being brave enough to take the action. Just start small, right? You could literally start with what colour clothes should I wear today? Because colour has such an impact on our well-being, right? Or what should I listen to on my from my music playlist, right? What should I listen to? What will help me feel good today? That's your intention, and just trust the thought that comes with you and comes to you and act on it. And the third thing I would say is keep a journal, keep an evidence journal of when you have asked and when what has shown up.

26:05 Sunayana: Equally unexpected.

26:44 Soraya: Yeah.

26:45 Sunayana: We want to take, we want it to be something really so blatantly obvious that you would not see this thing normally, yeah, that it's something you cannot ignore, right? So colorful underwear is a good place to start. It could be you're at the beach and you decide you want to see golf clubs, something you would not normally see at a beach, right? Or it could be um you live in a city and you want to see uh mountaineering gear. Like just think of the things that you would not expect to see in the environment you're in and choose something really almost quite extreme.

27:32 Sunayana: And then once you've set that design, said to your intuition or your higher self, this is what I want to see. Show me evidence that you exist, then you let it go. And your only job is to pay attention to your surroundings because you'll see them in the oddest of places, you'll see a billboard, you'll see an ad. I'll give you an example. Years after my dad died, my dad's name was Sama, and um, years after my dad died, my my higher self had been saying, look, he wants to really connect with you. And I was like, I just I can't, it's too painful.

28:09 Sunayana: And I was watching an American detective procedural and something I've watched for years, and in the middle of this episode, they sudden began shouting my dad's name. Really? And it wasn't just once, like it was about 10 times they were yelling this name at a character. I actually had to turn the TV off because it it got so much, it felt so overwhelming. This is what I mean. It's like you just set your intention, and then they will work at bringing you that thing that you want. And and I think it's a good idea to test your intuition, play with it, experiment with it, have fun with it, don't take it too seriously.

28:49 Soraya: Yeah, that's great advice. Yeah. Uh and how do you see the nervous system and intuition being connected?

Intuition, Trauma & The Nervous System

28:57 Sunayana: I think it they're really connected. Your nervous system can really help protect you, first of all. So if we think about people who've experienced some trauma or um have experienced life, you know, birth, deaths, marriages, just normal life events they've experienced, they leave an imprint on us and on our nervous system, and they'll trigger your cortisol and your fight, flight, four, and freeze response. Your higher your intuition can really help you manage that response. So I can give you a really good example for this as well.

29:34 Sunayana: Many, many years ago, I was walking to the bank, and I literally rounded a corner. There was a roundabout, a mini roundabout in front of me. I rounded the corners going to the bank, and there was this massive bang, and all I heard was stand still. Stand still. And as I looked over, there was a car flying at me, literally. The impact had been so heavy with another car, it lifted off the ground, it was coming at me, and it stopped about two feet away from me. And I just kept hearing stand still, stand still, stand still.

30:07 Sunayana: I got showered with glass, but I didn't have a single cut. There was nothing, I mean, I was shaking up, but there was nothing else wrong, right? And it's a really good example of if you trust your intuition, you won't have any harm before you. When it comes to your freeze-form flight, fight-flight response. Your intuition is there to keep you safe. It is it is your number one survival instinct is how do I stay alive? Your intuition is going to help you with that, and it will work with your nervous system.

30:45 Sunayana: But it can also help you break patterns that no longer serve you. So sometimes we have because of our fawn response, which is when we're people pleasing, and we continue to placate or we can continue to just keep silent, sometimes your intuition will tell you, no, this is not true. And you will know for yourself that this is not true, this is not authentic, and I need to speak up. And that's where it can really come into its own. Because if you allow it to, it will help you break those limiting beliefs.

31:28 Soraya: Yeah. Um, yeah, but I just want to say at this point that I feel for me myself, we I know we worked together, which was great, but I found at the beginning because I was quite stressed and a lot going on, I wasn't really able to connect to my higher self until I kind of quietened my mind a bit as well. So, would you recommend, like, I guess, like more how when someone's really stressed at their life, Zunana, you know, we've got a lot going on, the warnings, everything else, what's the best way to bring that punt that person down into that state that they're actually able to connect to the higher self?

32:03 Sunayana: So the first thing is when we're really stressed, we're often running in our heads. Like I I see it as a person on a very fast treadmill with a thousand thoughts coming at them and um a thousand to-do lists, and just not enough time, like a clock clock that's spinning round and round. That's how we are when we're stressed, right? And that's when our nervous system is also the most activated. Our cortisol is running, our adrenaline's running, and it's when we're most activated. And the very simplest thing you can do is to place your hand either on your heart or your tummy and breathe.

32:45 Sunayana: Physiologically, deep breathing calms the nervous system response, but also touch. Touch is really important because it brings you to the present moment. When you're stressed, when you are when you are feeling like that running man on the on the treadmill, running woman on the treadmill, you are not actually present in this moment. Your head is either in the past or in the future, and it's often flitting between the two without stopping to be present. So the thing to do is to bring yourself to the present and on heart.

33:22 Sunayana: The other one to try is have you heard of the five four three two one method? Five things you can see, four things, etc. That is also a really good way to bring yourself back into the present. And one of my other favorites just stop a second, Signana.

33:39 Soraya: Sorry, before you go on because I know, but just explain to listeners the five, four, three, two, one methods.

33:43 Sunayana: Oh, right, sorry. Um, so the five four three two one method is actually used a lot with people who have anxiety, and it's really good in a panic attack. And the idea is to bring you back into this present moment. So I can never remember them all. Five things you can see. Um, it's four things that you can touch, I think. Uh, three things that you can hear. Uh what two is, and one is taste. What's two? Oh, it's gone out of my head now. Five. Yeah, I can't remember what two is. I'll have to look it up and tell you.

34:19 Sunayana: I can't remember it either. So I was hoping you can remind me. But but if anyone looks up the five, four, three, two, one method, it is a really, really good way of bringing yourself back to the present. And if you are prone to panic attacks, if you have someone who can guide you through it, it's really, really phenomenal, right? The other thing I would suggest is counting in uh in random numbers. When you are stressed, you are often illogical, you're being run by your emotions, right? Your brain is essentially going, we're gonna die.

35:01 Sunayana: It's like imagine a person running around screaming, we're all gonna die, we're all gonna die. That's what your brain is essentially doing in that moment, right? When you count in random numbers, you trigger the logical part of your brain. And you cannot be screaming, we're all gonna die, we're all gonna die, and count it logically in random. You just can't do it. Your brain can't do that. So, what it does is as you count in random numbers, you start to suppress or reduce the emotional response, the logical part of your brain reasserts itself, and that allows you to come back into the present moment.

35:45 Sunayana: So, you will often, I mean, I it's something I use quite a lot actually. Uh, and you'll if you see me muttering under my breath, it's often these now, and it's like one 300,000,653, a million, two thousand three hundred and fifty-four. Do you know what I mean? I'm just like I'm at the point now where I can reel off a whole load of random numbers to you really, really easily. Yeah, because it just, you know, we all have things in our day that maybe we're a bit nervous about, we're not sure how it's gonna go, how we're gonna turn up.

36:20 Sunayana: It's a really good way of bringing yourself back to the reason.

36:23 Soraya: Great tips, thanks, Sanyana. And what why do you feel women are craving most emotionally or spiritually right now?

What Women Are Craving Most Right Now

36:33 Sunayana: Connection, in a word. In a word, and it's yeah, and it's not just connection to self, actually. I think they're craving connection to community as well. We, you know, if you look at who we were historically when we lived in caves, we we thrived because of community. If you got exiled from your your tribe, you were essentially being handed a death sentence, right? We thrived on being community. Now, at some point in our history, we decided that little nuclear families was the way to go, and we essentially cut off for women in particular, we cut off something that's really essential for our well-being, and that is to be lifted up by other women, yeah, and so I think that on one level, when we go through our midlife changes and we are looking on how to connect to our own interests, we discover purpose, rediscover maybe things that we've suppressed for ages.

37:48 Sunayana: We're also looking for like-minded women. And I wouldn't like to use the word tribe necessarily because that suggests only one type of person. And I don't think that's what we're looking for. I think we're looking for a group, a variety of people who fit into different aspects of our life and different areas of our life and can help us in different areas of our lives. You and I are very lucky, we belong to this brilliant networking group that's filled with amazing women.

38:21 Soraya: So collaboration shout outs, Naniana.

38:25 Sunayana: Um, but it is, it's filled with these brilliant women who are inspiring but supportive and collaborative and sympathetic and encouraging and all those things, right? But that's for work, it may not be the sort of women you need in your personal life. In your personal life, you might need someone who's going to advocate for you or who's going to be your strongest supporter. And that's why I don't want to say tribe as in one specific type of women. I think we are looking for different women for different roles in our lives.

39:02 Soraya: Really well put. Yeah, I completely agree. I think it's invaluable, you know, especially when you get older and you kind of see what you want more of. It's just good to have this like-minded women around you who will give you that space. Yeah, and so why do you think midlife can become such a powerful awakening for women?

39:25 Sunayana: Well, I think it's a number of things. Um, quite often, midlife, our children are grown up, right? So we have time essentially.

Why Midlife Can Be a Powerful Awakening

39:36 Sunayana: I think, I mean, I can't speak for women who haven't had children or don't have children, but I would imagine that they don't go through quite as dramatic a change as a lot of women with grown children do. Um, because children, while they're great and we love them, they occupy a lot of our headspace, mental capacity, emotional capacity, um, and our organizational capacity, right? And if you if you have a husband or a wife, a partner, it's a different type of drain of your capacity. So I think first of all, there's the freedom from a lot of that responsibility.

40:22 Sunayana: Secondly, I think there is hormonal change going on. Being freed from your monthly cycle is a freedom. Now, the the problem is menopauses for a long time, I think it's changing now, finally, the narrative, but for a long time it was demonized as a bad thing. But actually, it you know, if you look at the feminine archetypes, this is when women are moving from mother into prone, and prone is she's a woman filled with wisdom, she's lived life. And so I think a lot of women are trying to connect to that prone version of themselves who has experience to share and is looking for who can I share it with, you know, and it comes back to that conversation of community and connection.

41:14 Sunayana: So I think that is a really big thing, and I think as well, you know, I think at midlife we realise that we're here for a finite time and we want to live our life that's well lived. Well, that means exploring parts of ourselves maybe we haven't looked at in a long time, or or maybe bringing forward aspects of ourselves that perhaps we forgot about or didn't even know we had in us. Um, and they're the parts that we want to share with the world and we want to explore more.

41:53 Soraya: Yeah. And so, what are some gentle ways women can begin creating more space for themselves and their own needs?

42:03 Sunayana: I think so. I think the first thing is to identify for yourself, and this this is not quick, this can and this will change and evolve, I think, as well. It's about kind of under understanding what it is you're seeking, first of all. So, in my journey, what I was seeking was trust in myself. That's what I really wanted. I wanted to trust myself, my instincts, my guidance. I didn't want to have to trust, it's not that I don't trust other people, I just didn't want to have to always go to other people to know what was right for me.

42:40 Sunayana: Because ultimately I know what's right for me or what's wrong for me, right? Um, so I think you need to understand what it is you're seeking, first of all. Secondly, it's about trying lots of different things. So I started off with meditation, but actually I found sitting still for 15 minutes didn't really work for me. Nor does journaling in any extended period of time. I'm great for a week or two, and then I'm like, I think I'll run out of things I want to talk about in my journal. You know, I you know, it they're not the things for me, but other people will thrive on writing daily pages.

43:20 Sunayana: Julia Cameron's um The Artist's Way is brilliant if you like journaling, for example. Um, so you need to just figure out how you want to explore the thing you're trying to understand about yourself. So you might try. So, what did work for me was listening to an audio, right? Um, listening to speakers who I felt were aligned with my values, and then I would use my own discernment. So I really loved Brene Brown, and her Ted's talk, I thought, on compassion, was really inspiring. And it's about experimenting without trying to be too rigid and understanding that some people who you think, oh yeah, I really like this stuff as you investigate it and what's like it's not aligned to who I am or who I want to be.

44:15 Sunayana: That's okay. Because as you change, those desires will change. I'm at a place now where I don't really want to go and do lots of formal courses anymore. Yeah, I want to really trust in my own guidance, right? So I've seen like I've just recently discovered Peter Crohn, the mind architect, who's saying, love his approach, love how he talks to people. Do I want to go and do one of his workshops? No, not really. I I just I can be full of admiration for this man and the work he's doing and think it's brilliant.

44:50 Sunayana: I don't need to go and do it more because I trust my own judgment. Do you see there's a distinction there? It's taken me quite a long time to get to that point, you know. Historically, in my journey, if I wasn't sure what to do, I went out and ran out and bought a course. You know, that was something a lot of people I've been there as well, Signana. I've done so many. Yeah, lots of it. We we externalise, we've got to have action. But actually, as part of that process of discovering yourself, in action is as important as taking action, pausing.

45:26 Sunayana: And I would say don't rush this process, right? There will be people around you who seem to go at this like a bullet, and there'll be people who do it at the speed of a sloth. Whatever you want, and whatever your life allows, that is perfect for you. Try not to compare yourself. I have friends who have done course after course after course, and they are brilliant. You know, they're brilliant, brilliant, brilliant people, and I have not done course after course after course. I think I'm equally brilliant in my own way.

45:59 Sunayana: Do you see what I mean? It's understanding that your journey is your journey. There's no perfect way of doing it, there's no right way of doing it. It's about learning something, allowing yourself to integrate it, deciding is it a good fit for me? Do I like this? Do I not like this? If I don't like it, what can I do instead? If I did like it, do I want to do more of it, or have I done enough of it? It's those kind of things, giving yourself pause to mull and accept and figure out is this right.

46:34 Soraya: Yeah, but I guess you know, you're tapping into your inner self, aren't you? Your inner guides to really kind of listen to yourself as opposed to, like you said, externalize and just go for more and more.

Learning to Trust Yourself Again

46:45 Sunayana: Yeah, yeah. I mean, there are things I think of all the time. I there's a really good question I ask myself, which hopefully some of your listeners will try. So I might be thinking of going to an event, and I really love the sound of it, and I'm not sure if I need to or I want to. And so I'll ask, is I'll quiet my mind, I drop into my heart space. So literally put my hand on my heart, close my eyes, take a deep breath, imagine a ball of light dropping from my head into my heart, and then I just say, Is it true and important for me to do X, Y, Z?

47:23 Sunayana: And if I get a no, I trust the no. Right? I have ignored the no before now, and I've gone to something, and it's been fine, but sometimes I've gone and I've thought, oh, I could have used my time better. Yeah. Right. But it's such a powerful question. Is it true and important for me? Is about is this going to bring me growth? Is it going to bring me connection? Is it going to bring me authenticity? Is it going to bring me um something unexpected?

48:01 Soraya: Yeah. Yeah. Thanks for sharing that. Um, and and now um, I know that you'll be coming to join the retreat in June, 27th of June, which I'm really looking forward to to you'll be facilitating. Um, just tell me a little bit about the session, not everything, but just in general for listeners who might be interested to know.

Connecting with Your Higher Self

48:22 Sunayana: So the first thing we're going to do is do that connection to your higher self, right? Because that's the basis of my work um now. And that and the reason we do that is because when you connect consciously to your higher self, they can open up your horizons. We have a very linear point of view, right? And we there are so many opportunities that are available to us that we're probably even unaware of or unwilling to consider because they don't fit into this blinkered view of how we think life should be or how it should flow.

48:55 Sunayana: Yeah. So one of the exercises I would like to do is um with participants is what is one thing that you could do that will open up something new for you. So that could be a new hobby, it could be a new interest, it could be a new conversation, could be a new occupation, or uh, you know, if you're already working in your own business, a new stream of income. Let's be really open in our asking and let's see what comes through to it. It's also about I'd like, sorry, I'd like to just do an exercise with everyone, just showing them how huge their energy is.

49:40 Sunayana: So this would be a visualization, a guided visualization where we just see how magnificent we are. As people, we tend to shrink ourselves to look into other people's boxes and expectations and even our own. Our own, we we perpetuate those limitations. But if you could see yourself as an energy, you would realize how utterly, utterly magnificent and brilliant you are, and how expansive it is.

50:10 Soraya: And I feel I've listened to a lot of um podcasts about NDEs, about how you know, actually our energy body is so much bigger than our vessel. So, yeah, you're right. We we really are limiting ourselves within this small place, actually, when we let go and connect to our higher self and actually reach our full potential is quite incredible.

50:33 Sunayana: And when you realize how magnificent you are as an energy, it can really help shift some of those beliefs that think make you think I have to sit, stay in my box, or I have to placate other people. Yeah, your vessel, exactly. And it and it and it really can open up your eyes to there's so much more possible for me. That doesn't mean you're gonna rush out on Monday from your brilliant uh retreat and change your entire life and announce your this and announce. No, it's the it hopefully is the beginning of you embracing something, and then that is conscious in your mind, and you're like, okay, today I want to be my brilliant self, my most expanded self.

51:21 Sunayana: How do I show up as that today? And it might be you show up as someone who speaks up in a meeting, or someone who picks up the phone and makes the call that they've been thinking of making, which sets off a new set of events for you. That's that's the power of the work that we're going to do at your retreat.

51:41 Soraya: Yeah, because you know, obviously you'll be there. We have other practitioners got caca ceremony, a lot of somatic work, subconscious work. But I think you know, you joining will be an extra layer because you really will be getting everyone to connect to their higher self and really seeing what they're able to do once they stop limiting themselves.

52:00 Sunayana: Yeah, yeah. That's what we're doing. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I mean, uh, you know, your business is called the limitless self, and I think it's a perfect name because it just reminds us we are limitless. The only limits we place on ourselves are the ones either imposed on us or we've imposed on ourselves. Yeah, and we uh something I was saying to someone recently is our thoughts don't control us, we control our thoughts. So we can change how we perceive ourselves, we can change how we decide to show up in the world, we can change the thoughts that stop us taking action, and we can take action.

What It Means to Live a Limitless Life

52:43 Soraya: Yeah, which is very empowering, which brings me to my next question. What does limitless self mean to you?

52:52 Sunayana: Well, I mean, I I partly answered it already just now with the thoughts. Yeah, with the thoughts, but it's it's about being willing to. I think it's about being flexible, and it's also about being willing to experiment with life and not be too fixed, be open, have a growth mindset, be of the view. I'm I'm often sort of reminded of, you know, a lot of people know some older person who's like in their 80s or 90s, who's running a marathon, climbing Mount Everest. That'll be me. Yeah, they kind of remind me of your limitless self, right?

53:39 Sunayana: They age is a number to them, it's not a defining factor. Their marital status is not a defining factor. They are living their life to the fullest, eking out, pulling out every ounce of joy, and they're meeting resistance, but they're not letting it stop them. They're really living their life to the fullest. That to me is the limitless self. You know there's resistance on the path, but it's not going to stop you. You go over it, under it, around it, through it, however you want, but you're not going to stop living joyfully.

54:15 Sunayana: And if you can do that, you are in you are to me living your limitless self.

54:21 Soraya: Yeah, I love that answer. But this is it though. I really feel that we came to the earth. It's like a school, isn't it? We're learning more about ourselves and it's all about expanding. We can't stay small. You need to be a bit uncomfortable and evolve, right?

54:37 Sunayana: Yeah, there's there's a brilliant video um on YouTube of a young girl. She's probably about seven or eight, and she's on a ski slope. And if she's going to do a ski run that she's never done before, and she is we are watching from her perspective. So the camera's under her helmet, we can hear everything she's saying, we can hear her coach saying, you know, just take your time. You don't have to do this if you don't want to. She's like, No, no, I want to do it. And she's just literally talking herself into it, and then she does it, and halfway through, she starts screaming with joy.

55:17 Sunayana: And at the end, because this is only like a five-minute video, at the end, she's like so thrilled with herself because she did not allow her fears to get in her way, yeah. You know, and she was being offered the out. Her coach is like going, you don't have to do it right now. You you you don't have to do this, and it's that's what we're here to do. We're here to live life to the fullest. And it's you know, yes, your fears are here, but look at your fears and say, What are you trying to show me? And do I really believe that anymore?

55:55 Sunayana: Is this good for me still? Some fears have kept you safe, some limiting beliefs have kept you alive, no doubt about it. But are they still true? Are you still in that situation or that circumstance, or have things evolved and you've moved out of it and you're safe now? And if you're safe now, can you let that go? And can you find joy?

56:20 Soraya: Love that. Yes, thanks, Mjana. And finally, what's one small thing listeners could begin doing today to reconnect with themselves more deeply?

56:30 Sunayana: Oh, see, I was thinking about this question the other day. I had about a hundred answers for you, really. Just choose one. It's very hard to just choose one, Sarah. But I guess I think so. I think the number one thing I would start doing is start talking to my intuition. I would talk to them as if I would imagine my intuition as a person standing next to me, and I would literally talk about so. This is how I do this quite a lot. I'll be like, right, okay, what have I got on today? And look in my direct, right?

57:04 Sunayana: I've got these things to do today, so what order should I do them in? And then it'll be like, oh, I'm I did this today, I'm seeing Soraya later to record this. What should I do? What should I wear? You know, and then and I was like, you need to wear something bright, okay. And then I had a whole conversation with my intuition about what colours I should wear. And it's like you need to wear yellow because it'll help your energy and how you show up. Okay, yellow. And I talk to my intuition, my higher self, as if they're standing right next to me.

57:34 Sunayana: I do it when I'm cooking, I do it with shopping, I do it in every area of my life. And what happens is that in that conversation that I'm having, which can feel a bit one way, I start receiving the answers. And it will feel sometimes, you know, when you start off with this process of talking essentially to yourself, you're like, Did I imagine that answer? Was it what was that? And then, but the more you do it, the more you realize how easily the answers come to you, and how easily you can go into ease and flow, and how easily your days start moving.

58:16 Sunayana: When things don't go well for me, I get really cross because I'm like, that is not my norm. And so when things go wrong for me, I'm often like, what happened there? What do I need to learn from this? And often for me, it's a boundaries issue. Yeah, so I would start with talking to your intuition, your higher self, as if they're your best friend standing right next to you. Imagine sex in the city, sitting at a cafe with your higher self, endless cups of tea or coffee, bit of cake, talking non-stop to them.

58:50 Sunayana: That's a great visualization. They're just yeah, great.

58:55 Soraya: Okay. Um, and finally, the last question is how can listeners connect if they want to work with you, Signor? And I know also before I forget, you have a book that you have on Amazon as well. What's the name of the book? Energetics.

How to Work with Sunayana

59:06 Sunayana: It's called Energetics Everyday Your Way. Um, and essentially it's a how-to guide of connecting with your higher self, uh, releasing limiting beliefs using a process called the releasing process with your higher self. And then also how to do um how to work with energy in a very intentional way. And in the book, I talk about different areas. Um so that's one way they can connect to me. It's available on Amazon, Waterstones Online, and Blackwells Online. Uh, another way they can connect with me is uh I do have a YouTube channel, so it's called Sanyana Clark.

59:47 Sunayana: You can just find it. Um, and then uh there's my website as well, so it's uh energetics everyday with sanionaclark.co.com.

59:57 Soraya: Yeah, and you have a few programs, don't you, for people to work with you in groups as well as one-to-one?

1:00:03 Sunayana: So um one-to-one, I do one-to-one coaching. We always start the discovery call. One, I want to check that I understand what the problem is that you want solved and changed, but two, I want to check that we're ready to work together. Sometimes people can come to you and they really want to do the work, but things are getting in their way, and often that's a timing thing. So it could be I've had someone recently really wants to work with me, just doing a whole lot of medical testing. And I was like, do that testing first, then come back to me.

1:00:35 Sunayana: And she was a bit sort of, and I was like, no, do one thing at a time, because then we know what's working and what's not working for you. Um, and then so that's one-to-one work, and then I run abundance challenges, which are 30-day challenges. I run um a course, it's a one-to-one bespoke program called the Energetics of Your Business, where we look at your business and how to align your business with your energy, your business energy, and make more money. Um, and then I have the trust immersion room, which is my signature program.

1:01:06 Sunayana: Um, and that is what I did, and I definitely recommend it, but yeah, that's really um so it's you did about a six-week program, it's now evolved into a 16-week program. Oh, wow, okay. So it's much longer and deeper, but that's a bespoke program as well. Um, and that's really we start off with that connection to the higher self. And the idea is to really at the end of that period to get you to a point where you really trust your inner wisdom, you really trust yourself, and you are confident in that trusting.

1:01:37 Sunayana: And we'll look at your work and your home life and your relationships. We'll be working on all of those things. So it's a very big, broad, encompassing relationship, uh course.

1:01:48 Soraya: Right. Thank you, Sunyana, for your time today. It was lovely chatting. Thank you. And we'll catch up soon. Well, I'll see you in the retreat in a few weeks.